


warm me up (and breathe me)

by littlegayby



Category: Charlie's Angels (2019)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Eating Disorders, F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24076969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlegayby/pseuds/littlegayby
Summary: Elena overhears some other recruits talking about her, and then she's twelve-years-old again and that dick Sam Phillips is calling her a fat little half-breed. It doesn't help that she's in love with her boss.
Relationships: Rebekah Bosley/Elena Houghlin
Comments: 9
Kudos: 97





	warm me up (and breathe me)

**Author's Note:**

> TW: eating disorder, anorexia, intentionally not eating, body image issues, kind of bullying. Please don't read if any of these will trigger you. I wrote this because it's what I needed at the time.
> 
> Title from "Breathe Me" by SIA.

Looking back, Elena can definitely see what triggered her spiral.

_“Oh my God, have you seen how pudgy the new girl is?”_

_“Oh yeah, Houghlin, right?”_

_“Yeah, talk about a heavyweight angel.”_

_“I can’t believe Boz chose her of all people.”_

She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t thinking that herself. Elena had always been self-conscious about her body. If she was being honest, it started in sixth grade, when Sam Phillips had called her a ‘fat little half-breed’. At the time, all it had manifested as was covering herself up a bit more than she used to. An oversized hoodie here, a jean jacket there.

This time, though, darker thoughts had begun seeping into her mind. Maybe she was just being paranoid, but it seemed like the other recruits were starting to give her odd glances now and again. It made her feel… like a stranger in her own body.

So, Elena did the only thing she could think of. When dinner-time came, and Sabina arrived to drag her to ‘family dinner’ with Jane and Boz, all she could do was keep her eyes on her books and say, “I’m swamped, Sabina. I’ll grab something later.” Despite the grumbling in her stomach. Thankfully, she must have looked just focused enough that Sabina left her alone.

The high she got that morning when she skipped breakfast, it made her feel like she was walking on clouds all day.

So, she did it again. Soon enough, it was like the excuses were ready on her tongue. “I’ve got to study for this assignment.” “Training has me beat, I’m gonna go to bed.” “I had a big lunch today.” She realised quickly enough, though, that she couldn’t skip meals all the time, the others would have noticed, so she aimed to have dinner with her girls at least three times a week, then she’d fast the next day.

Her weight dropped drastically. _135\. 125. 115. 105._

It seemed like Elena bruised every time she touched something. The one she got on her hip from bumping into the counter stayed for three weeks. She started feeling cold all the time. Even when she was wrapped up in front of the space heater in the warmest blanket in the quarters she shared with Jane and Sabina. In the middle of June.

Elena got better and better at deflecting questions. Sabina and Jane didn’t notice anything off, so they said nothing about it. Bosley, on the other hand, had started giving her meaningful glances that made Elena feel like she was under a microscope.

Ever since Elena had started her training, the blonde had been adamant about helping her however she could. And sure, Sabina and Jane were her biggest pillars of support, cheering her on during physical training, and helping her study for assignments. But Bosley, Bosley had taken it upon herself to make sure Elena wasn’t pushing herself too much.

At first, it was subtle. A blanket placed on her shoulders when the young brunette fell asleep over her books in the library. A steaming cup of coffee on her desk when she got back from drills. A sandwich or two during all-nighters. All of those little acts of kindness eventually grew bigger. Elena started to find herself waking up in her bed after late-night study sessions in the compound library. Bosley now greeted her personally with coffee and cake when Elena got back from a particularly gruelling exercise. And somewhere along the line, Elena had fallen for the older blonde.

So the looks Bosley gave her and she pretended to ignore hit Elena right in the heart. But all she could do was smile, and lie, and hope that Boz wouldn’t say anything.

Then one day, it all changed, when she was sparring with Jane and took a punch that made her head spin and left her reeling. Jane, of course, was right there to help her up.

“Whoa, are you okay, Elena? I’m really sorry, I just thought you were doing so well, I figured you would block.”

Elena nodded gently, closing her eyes for a second to stop her vision from swimming. “I’m fine. I just need some water, that’s all.” She got right back up on her feet, despite Jane’s protests, and went straight to her bag. Without looking back at Jane, Elena dropped onto the bench and took a large swig from her water bottle.

“Elena, I think we should stop.” Jane’s voice sounded fuzzy and far away.

Elena shook her head, regretting it instantly as tiny black spots dotted her vision. “No. I – I can go a few more rounds.”

“Elena-”

“I said, I can do a few more rounds.” Elena said determinedly.

Jane hesitated. “One more round. Then we’re done, okay?”

“Fine.” Elena capped her water bottle and put it aside. She got up and went to the ring, swatting Jane’s hand away as the younger girl made to help her up.

Elena adjusted her feet and nodded to Jane to start. Jane looked more than hesitant as she started out with some basic jabs, hardly a fraction of her full strength. “Jane, I’m fine. Seriously, don’t coddle me.” Jane pursed her lips, concern in her eyes. “Jane-” Before Elena could say anything else, her heart started racing as her vision started going fuzzy at the edges.

She knew Jane was saying something and she could faintly register two other figures in her peripheral vision. Boz and Sabina. They had stepped into the ring and Bosley seemed to be talking to her as Sabina placed a hand on Elena’s shoulder. But her ears were ringing and as she looked to Boz to ask her to repeat what she said, the older blonde’s eyes widened. The last thing she saw before everything went black was Boz mouthing her name.

***

Elena was rushed to Saint in Jane’s arms as Sabina supported her head and Bosley called ahead to get a bed ready.

Saint greeted them at the door. “Quickly. Bring her in. Bed 6.”

Jane carefully lay her down on the bed before turning to Bosley, tears in her eyes. “Boz, I swear, I don’t even know what happened. I should have made her stop. I-”

Bosley lay a hand on her shoulder and nodded. “I know. I know, Jane.” She turned to Sabina. “Take her outside. I’ll take care of Elena.”

Sabina nodded calmly, though the worry was evident on her face. The younger blonde started to lead Jane out, but the girl stopped suddenly. “She’s going to be okay, right Boz?”

Bosley sighed. “I don’t know. But, if I’m being honest, I think this has been a long time coming.” That was all she said before she turned to help Saint with Elena.

Jane’s eyes widened. “Wait, what do you mean?” She asked, turning to Sabina. “What does she mean?” But Sabina only led her out quietly.

Saint began his assessment and felt Elena for a pulse. He looked to Boz. “She has a pulse, it’s a little slow, but it shouldn’t have made her collapse.” He looked at the workout gear the girl was wearing. “We have to take this off, or she’ll overheat.”

“I’ll do it.” Bosley got a pair of scissors and cut through the t-shirt Elena was wearing. As soon as the brunette was free of the cloth, what Bosley saw made her recoil and gasp in shock. A hand flying to her mouth.

There were bruises littered all over Elena’s body, but that wasn’t even the worst part. Her ribs stuck out, as did her hipbones.

Saint’s voice broke her out of her reverie. “Rebekah. We have to keep going.” Bosley nodded, her face pale. “Get me a blood glucose kit.” The blonde grabbed one quickly and handed it to Saint, who pricked Elena’s finger and cursed softly. “2.4.”

Bosley inhaled sharply. “Shit.”

“I’ll give her some Glucogen. That should bring her levels up.” Saint handed her a hand held fan. “Keep giving her air. I’ll be back in a moment.”

Boz numbly fanned the girl, unable to look away from her torso. A tear fell down her cheek. “How didn’t I know? I’m so sorry, baby. I should have known.” She stroked Elena’s forehead. “When you wake up, we’re having a talk, you hear me? But, I need you to wake up. Please, Elena, please wake up.”

Saint returned with the Glucogen and some juice. He cleansed Elena’s inner arm with an alcohol wipe and injected the glucose, before turning her onto her side. “When was the last time you saw her eat?” Boz didn’t answer. “Rebekah, I need to know.”

Bosley’s voice was inconceivably small. “Three days ago.”

Saint nodded grimly. “Then you know why she collapsed.”

“Yeah.”

Elena groaned, her eyes fluttering open, and Saint and Boz rushed forward to help her sit up. Elena clutched her head and Saint put the glass of juice to her lips. “Here, Elena. Drink.” Still disoriented, Elena took a few sips before pushing the glass away.

“Elena. Can you hear me?” Boz asked, but Elena only hummed and closed her eyes again.

Saint put a hand to Bosley’s shoulder. “She’s out of the worst of it. She’ll wake up soon.”

***

“Hey, baby.” Bosley whispered, sitting in a seat by Elena’s bedside. “You’ve got both Jane and Sabina wanting to see you, they’re worried. Jane, the poor girl, thinks _she_ did something. They’re scared.” Boz took the tan girl’s hand and stroked it. “So was I. Why didn’t you tell me? You know I would have helped you.” Bosley took comfort in the steady pulse she could feel under her fingertips. “I don’t understand you didn’t feel like you couldn’t come to me about this. But… it’s my fault, too. This doesn’t happen overnight, and I’m so sorry I didn’t say something sooner. God, so many skipped dinners, and I said nothing.” Bosley chuckled softly. “But I promise, I’ll make it up to you. When you wake up, I’ll take you out somewhere, alright? Wherever you want.” She sighed shakily. “Just please, be okay. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you. Because I… I love you, Elena.” Suddenly, the woman with over fifteen years of espionage under her belt couldn’t stop herself from crying. She curled into the sheets, still clutching Elena’s hand like her life depended on it.

The blonde then felt a weak hand stroking her hair. “Why are you crying?”

Bosley looked up in shock, tears blurring her vision. “Oh God, Elena.” She surged up and hugged Elena fiercely. “You’re okay.”

“I – Boz, what…” Bosley pulled back and looked at her pointedly. Elena looked down to her exposed torso. “Oh.”

Bosley bit her lip. “Yeah.” Elena burst into tears and Boz moved to sit on the bed and pull her closer into a hug. “It’s okay, baby. I’m here. You’re okay.” Boz held Elena close and pressed their foreheads together. They stayed like that until Elena started to quieten, her sobs turning to mere whimpers. When the girl finally looked up, Bosley pressed a kiss to Elena’s forehead, and then, after hesitating a moment, pressed their lips together in the softest of touches.

“I’m so sorry.” Elena said softly, nuzzling into Bosley’s collar. “I don’t even know how it happened. It just got so bad, and I just couldn’t think about telling you, because I was so scared you’d think I was a failure, and unworthy of being an Angel, and unworthy of… of _you_ and I am so, so sorry, Boz.”

What Elena expected was an order to pack up her things once she recovered and leave the compound. What she didn’t imagine was Bosley’s fingers nudging her face up and kissing her like she’d never been kissed before. Elena bunched up Bosley’s shirt in her hands just so she’d have something to hold on to, so she’d have something to make this _real_. She didn’t even realise she needed to breathe until Boz had pulled away, leaving Elena chasing after her.

“Rebekah.”

Elena’s eyes fluttered hazily. “Huh?”

“My name’s Rebekah.” Bosley says, smiling softly. “And you, Elena, are not a failure. You’re a damn good Angel if I ever saw one. And even Angels make mistakes, even we have setbacks. We’re only human.” She nudged her nose against Elena’s. “And if anything, I think I’m the one who isn’t worthy of loving you.”

Elena blushed and nuzzled back into Bosley’s neck. “I – I need help.” The blonde nodded. “I want to monitor my meals, and I want to talk to a therapist.”

“I’m sure Charlie will help us do whatever we can to help you recover.” Boz brushed the brunette’s hair back. “Do you feel okay enough to see the others?”

Elena inhaled deeply and nodded. “Yeah.”

“Okay.” Bosley got up and went to call Sabina and Jane in. The first thing both girls noticed was the state of Elena’s body. Luckily, they stayed quiet to keep the recruit calm.

“Hey, Els.” Sabina sat in the seat Boz previously occupied as the older blonde took her place on the bed. “How you doing?”

“M’okay.” Elena murmured, looking down at her hands in shame.

Jane took the chair at the other side of the bed and took Elena’s hand in her own. She looked absolutely distraught. “Elena, I am so, so sorry. I shouldn’t have gone so hard on you, and I-”

Elena shook her head. “No, don’t blame yourself. It wasn’t anyone’s fault but mine.”

Bosley held her closer. “It’s no one’s fault, okay? No one is going to blame themselves, not even you, Elena.” The girls all nodded.

Sabina took the short brunette’s other hand and stroked it. “How are you feeling?”

“Alright. My head still kills.” Elena smiled softly, nuzzling into Bosley’s side. “But I’m better now you’re all here.”

“Good.” Jane said. “And how are you feeling-” She tapped her temple. “-up here?”

“Alright.” Elena repeated. “But that’s what I wanted to talk to all of you about.” She looked up at Bosley, who smiled in reassurance. “I want to tell you everything.”

Sabina and Jane looked at each other uneasily as Jane spoke up. “About that…” She fidgeted with the sheets. “Boz kind of told us why you collapsed, when we were waiting for you to wake up.”

Bosley looked guilty when Elena glanced up at her.

“I figured. I’m not mad.” Bosley looked at her in surprise. “I’d still like to tell you _why_ , if that’s okay?”

“Of course, it is.” Boz said, looking down at her with utter fondness.

Elena sat up in bed. “Okay, just…” She wrung her hands. “Just stop me if it gets too much?”

“Els.” Sabina looked at her earnestly.

“Right.” Elena nodded. Before she could get any further though, her stomach rumbled and Elena’s cheeks went red.

Sabina chuckled. “Well, _that_ we can help with.” She produced a container. “Saint’s famous cure-all chicken soup.”

Elena smiled in relief, and suddenly all the stress was lifted from her shoulders, at least for the moment. “I love you guys.”

“Love you, too.” Jane said.

There was a beat of comfortable silence as Elena dug into the soup before Bosley stood up and ushered the two Angels out of their seats. “Alright. Out with you two. Let her rest and get some food in her.” Jane and Sabina protested. “You can come see her again tomorrow.”

That seemed to do it. “Fine. We’ll talk tomorrow. See you, Els.” Sabina said, looking at the girl.

“Feel better.” The two girls waved to Elena as they left.

Bosley closed the door and went back to Elena. She moved to sit in the chair Jane had vacated but the brunette grabbed her wrist and pulled her to the bed. “Okay.”

The two sat in silence as Elena ate her soup, finishing half of it before handing the container to Bosley. “I’m done.”

Boz hummed and handed her a glass of water and some pills from the bedside table. “Here. Saint said to give these once you ate something.”

Elena downed the pills and the glass, a shiver running down her spine. She settled into Bosley’s side, nuzzling into her chest. “M’cold.”

Boz said nothing and just pulled a blanket over the two of them. “You scared me today.”

Elena sighed. “I know.” A beat passed. “Did you mean it?”

“Hmm?”

“When you said… when you said you loved me, did you mean it?” Elena asked, looking up at Boz with so much vulnerability in her eyes.

The blonde chuckled. “Elena Houghlin.” She started. “You are the most incredible person I have ever met. And I am _so_ in love with you.”

Elena leant up to kiss her softly, biting her bottom lip before pulling away. “I love you, too.” She moved to kiss the other woman again.

And then the door opened, making them jump apart. “Hey guys, I forgot my-” Sabina noticed the way the two were sitting. “Were you… did I… were you guys-”

Elena blushed and turned her head into Bosley’s shoulder. “Did you need something, Sabina?” Boz asked.

Sabina shook her head dumbly. “Nope. I don’t need my jacket. I’m fine.”

“Goodnight, Sabina.”

The younger blonde stared right ahead. “It truly is.” Boz looked at her pointedly. “Yep. Night. See you.” As she closed the door behind her, they heard her calling for Jane on the other side.

Boz and Elena looked at each other and burst into giggles. “Well, I guess that’s taken care of?” Elena asked.

Bosley groaned. “They’re like children, I swear.” Elena giggled. She kissed the older woman once more before yawning. “Tired?” Boz asked and Elena hummed in response. The blonde pulled her closer. “Come here.”

Elena nestled into her side. “Will you stay with me tonight?”

“Are you sure? This bed isn’t exactly comfortable.” Bosley paused. “Or large.”

“I’m sure.” Elena whispered. “Please, stay.”

The older woman got up and for a second Elena though she was going to leave. But she just flipped the lights off and then sat next to Elena again, pulling the blanket up to cover the brunette’s shoulders. She settled back down, and Elena moved to tuck into her side again

“Goodnight, baby.” She said.

Elena smiled softly in the dark. “Night.”

Then she fell asleep beside her, feeling more at rest than she had in a while.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic that I've posted, so... Not saying go easy on me, feel free to offer constructive criticism. But let's not be dicks guys.


End file.
